To Ghost or not to Ghost.....
A Facebook Friend, yes read someone I don't actually personally know but we are "friends", posted about ghosting - I almost quickly responded to his post but then thought wait, how do I feel about ghosting?? I can say I hate to be ghosted but do I ghost and is it then a what comes around goes around?
I Googled ghosting to see what came up. I landed on an article in Psychology Today, Why Ghosting Hurts So Much. It's from 2015 -- I can only imagine that ghosting has become 10x if not more prevalent today.
The author discusses that ghosting isn't new but with social platforms and online dating it has become easier to ghost, no common friends or aquantainces....poof, gone! I agree with the author that as a culture we have become desensitized to this along with other poor behaviors. It has become far too easy to treat each other like shit!
We know that emotional pain triggers the same pathways as physical pain, ghosting hurts. It is honestly one of the reasons I love tattoos - it is a physical pain that I control, I've even paid for it. I know how long it is going to last and it isn't a surprise. I'd rather get a full back tattoo than have the pain of being ghosted.
Ghosting is ambiguous, one day you are talking to a person and then they are gone. Where'd they go? Are they ok. Did they get Covid? It's a real possibility. And the time spent wondering what I did wrong, was it something I said, did, didn't do etc - the overthinking is brutal!
I recently hired a Fivver guy to create my ebook cover. He was great at responding then nothing....I worried, admittedly I was also a little peaved but that was followed by I hope he is ok, it was strange he didn't respond. Imagine that with someone you actually know and have spent time communicating with, worse if you have had a physical connection and they disappear.
I am a worrier - is that the ghoster's problem, nope, it is mine. If you choose to disappear I seriously think the worst...you are dead in a ditch not that you have just randomly decided to never speak to me again. It's rude.
The argument can be made that how other people feel or handle choices I make isn't my business or my concern. Harry S Truman was guoted as saying, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
If you can't handle being ghosted, than don't date...
I disagree, if you can't be a decent human being and let someone know for whatever reason (and no need for cruelty) that you are no longer going to be communicating with them, than you shouldn't date! Don't be a dick. (I mean this for women also) Human up!
Show up in the world how you want to be treated and unless you are a masochist, I seriously doubt that you enjoy being ghosted. Being treated poorly bugs even the biggest of assholes....they may just never admit it or even acknowledge it for themselves and I'd lay a bet that how they have been treated somewhere in their lives has contributed to their assholiness, they didn't come out of the womb that way.
There are days that I get on social media, listen to the news, talk to friends and I believe that our collective soul is black, we just don't seem to care about each other anymore. We are divided and divisive...mean.
But then I will run across a story where one stranger helps another or during our fires here in Colorado where people came together and helped with livestock and other needs around evacuations. Brings me hope.
I know I can't be responsible for how every one feels and I can't walk on eggshells either - I will be the source of hurt for others at different points in my life, I am sure, I am truly sorry for that. However, ghosting isn't going to be the reason. Dating is difficult - I lasted a couple months on Match and got off - I'm not actively dating today but when I do again, I know that I have to be willing to be honest and handle uncomfortable situations with kindness and grace, no ghosting.
So to ghost or not ghost.....not.
Peace & Love
I'm not sure.
Onus falls to the ghosted to not take it personally, to not have the need to get more information or find out the why. To be in a secure place where we just think, huh, guess I wasn't their cup of tea and move on.