My first time....well sort of
My first time was in 2018, blogging that is. I enjoyed it, even started to get some followers....ok, think it might have been around 5 and two of those were friends.
In 2018 I was determined to start a speaking career. I started a blog, researched Ted Talks, Meet Ups and other ideas where I could share my story. I took a course, this is a line I will say a lot, it was a course by Lisa Nichols, Speak and Inspire.
I was inspired. I was going to share my story, a story that I was sure after all this time I was standing on, not in. I wanted to share and my intention was to become someone who would positively impact other women like myself.
It was June of 2018, my first in front of people talk. It was at a meet up group of great women, I was a part of the group so knew several of the members. I practiced, I edited, reworked it. I made sure I just did bullet points as I didn't want to be rehearsed, I wanted to come from the heart.
Only about 10 women were there. My mouth was dry....I was terrified. I know, public speaking is like the number one thing people are afraid of and if you can imagine them in their undies or focus on them and not on yourself or reframe the holy shit with I am just excited! I did all of that, I even did some EFT days prior and up to the day.
Not sure how long I spoke, it felt like hours but was really maybe one. I shared parts of my childhood I hadn't shared in public before, I was showing up! I tripped up a bit but made it through, received positive feedback, survived.
I was high from the experience, went out after, felt good about it all. Then it hit me, what did I share?? That was emotional exposure, private, ugly.....
So I did what I always do, I quit! Screw that! Stand on your story, whatever. I discovered I was ass deep IN my story still. The vulnerability, the being seen - my brain gave a big "No Way, what the F*#@ Amy!"
And instead of pushing through, facing my fears, tapping into my courage I stopped writing my blog, I put away my notes. I started looking for a J.O.B.
But the desire to share my story and create in a way that's what I truly intend to be impactful, didn't go away. I have something to share, I don't know exactly the how. I am still terrified but I owe it to me to follow through and show up.
So stay tuned.....